my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize