You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
