I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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