My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize