i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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