your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize