I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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