just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize