at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The power of my boobs compel you
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
