i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
