Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
