he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dicks are not precious.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
