I'm going to jail i love you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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