I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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