she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
