Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
