ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
