allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
