I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
