Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
