You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
