I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
