he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
