Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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