Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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