I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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