I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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