My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize