I wish life had little blips of pornography
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
