yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
