I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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