If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
