My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
