I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
