Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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