I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
