Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i came on her dog
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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