Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
