Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
