well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
