I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize