Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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