I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
