I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
