My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
