Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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