he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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