That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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