Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
