I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I miss vodka workout Fridays
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So much rum. So many feels.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
