i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
