he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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