did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
