Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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