as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
