My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
