remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
