My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
