You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
