so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
