Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
