I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
