my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
