Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize