I puked a lego.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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