A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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