WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
