shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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