His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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