I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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