he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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