Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
