i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
