I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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