worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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