I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
