WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize