I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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