was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
