Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
