He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
